Solving Conflict

By Company Director, Tigger MacGregor

The conflict in the world is heartbreaking. From the domestic violence that happens in every residential area to international crises like Ukraine and Gaza and everything in between. Heartbreaking. So often it feels like there's nothing, individually, we can do about these situations. Nothing, that is, other than making a major shift in our own lives to focus on addressing the issues through retraining, campaigning, lobbying or a host of other avenues.

And even that will inevitably come at a cost to our own lives, and the lives of our loved ones.

I was immersed in the world of non-violent action, and desperately trying to find a way to transform war into peace, and hate into love, long before I started my Massage journey. But for a long time I thought these two journeys were simply two strands in my life, that the only unifying feature was me. Ha! Not in the slightest!

From both these strands I've discovered there are three fundamental keys to resolving - and avoiding - conflict. Resilience. Respect. And Communication.

Resilience

Touch has immense potential to stimulate the client's own self-healing capacities, and we write elsewhere about the truly transformational impact Touch can have. Study after study is being done on the many and varied physiological impacts Touch & Massage have, but we're still a long way from covering every aspect. In many ways, Touch is the ultimate & original universal healthcare. 

However, what stands out for me is the ability of Touch & Massage to help people rebuild and maintain their resilience. Perhaps it starts with a gentle touch on the arm from a caring health professional. Maybe a hug from a trusted friend. Or straight to the all-encompassing hour of exquisite Touch, topped and tailed by clear and empowering communication of a bodyworker who has completed our 4Elements & Transactional Bodyworker training. 

I truly hope there are other practitioners out there providing this level of expertise in resilience building - but I know those who've trained with us have these skills. And having been to many therapists over the years who haven't trained with us, I know this level of skill is definitely not taught as part of the core syllabus of becoming a Massage therapist - at best not universally.

So why is resilience so important in conflict? Because when our resilience is low we simply don't have the capacity to be our "best selves". Perhaps you remember times you've "snapped" at a colleague when you were tired. Or said something you wish you hadn't when you were dealing with an issue the person you were talking to had no idea about. There are hundreds of examples - this is where low resilience can be a major factor in conflict starting and then spiralling.

For this aspect, whether you feel your resilience is already low or that you want to maintain and even boost your resilience, I have one thing to say: Get Thee To A Massage Therapist*!

Respect

Let's be clear: there will always be different opinions in the world. That's a given. The difference between conflict and active love** is being able to engage with these different opinions with an open heart and mind. And being able to question in a way which comes from a place of genuine enquiry - and is received as such. 

There will certainly still be occasions when a compassionate challenge is needed. Of an opinion or behaviour which is damaging to humanity (humans and the planet we live on). And those are tough conversations: but are far more likely to succeed when all parties are Resilient, Respectful and can Communicate well.

Communication

We all communicate on a daily basis - of course we do. But my understanding of communication was utterly transformed when I was introduced to the psychotherapeutic concepts of Eric Berne's Transactional Analysis (TA). The beauty of TA is its seeming simplicity (concepts can be effectively explained in a matter of minutes) and yet it plumbs incredible depths. 

There are loads of snippets of TA theory online, but my go-to resource for introducing people to it is our Effective Communication series by NO HANDS Massage Founder, Gerry Pyves. Why? Because it isn't just about "learning a model" but it includes practical applications so you can see the concept in action in your own life. It's a fair time commitment (about an hour a week for 6 weeks) - however,  the payoffs are certainly worth it, personally, professionally, in every aspect of your life.

Change starts with ourselves. And only you can choose to invest in building your Resilience, aim to foster more Respect in your life and focus on great Communication - however we do have a couple of resources to help you out:

• Find your nearest 4Elements & Transactional Bodyworker trained therapist: click here
• Sign up for Effective Communication here (struggling to afford it? Get in touch)

Here's to a world of transforming Conflict into Active Love - at every level

* Touch isn't the only way to build resilience - and everyone is different. BUT in our acutely Touch starved world I've seen professional Massage or regular, psychologically informed, peer-to-peer Touch have a huge impact. It's not a magic bullet - but it's an excellent place to start.  

** I've struggled with terms for the opposite of violence & war for some time. Peace is often understood as very passive. Non-violence evokes "against", as well as a picture of violence. "Active love" is the closest I've got: something that takes ongoing action, and that is based on love for all humanity.