In Memoriam: Karen Clarke

We were sad to learn that Karen Clarke, an early NO HANDer and the NO HANDS Poet Laureate, died recently. In her own words (from some years back)...

"Hi, I’m Karen Clarke, and I attended my first NO HANDS course in March 2006. I was very quiet, shy and lacked something called “confidence”!

"By September 2006 I was doing my Advanced Practitioner course. I had been going through more and more emotional release and structural re-alignment. I guess all the releasing opened up my creative channels.

"I felt not only inspired, but almost compelled to write a poem, something I had never, ever done before! I decided to write something funny for Gerry, and gave it to him during the course. To my great surprise Gerry asked me to read it to the group, and it was well received.

"The rest as they say, is history! The NO HANDS collection of poetry has all been based on events that have happened on the many courses I have done. I hope that for those of you that have trained with me at various times, they will serve as a humorous reminder of the good times we’ve shared."

Below are a selection of her poems - if you'd like to make a donation in her memory, she asked for donations to go the International Fund for Animal Welfare.

What is NO HANDS Massage?

So what’s this NO HANDS massage?
My friend casually said to me
She’d called round for tea
And a bit of sympathy

Well, it’s like this I said
Desperately trying to explain
It’s structural re-alignment
Only without the pain

There’s the Hurdle, the Matrix,
The Bow & Arrow and Channelling
Saws, Circles, Pendulums, Head Butts,
And not forgetting the Tunnelling

It’s definitely not for NoPNnoGers
I earnestly told my friend
And certainly not for people
Who just want to keep up with the trend

I said I’d been riding the whale
As high as it could go
Whilst still remembering
To work very very very slow

As I said that I’d glimpsed
The carpet in God’s hallway
She stared at me blankly
And raised her eyebrows in dismay

I said one of the best bits was
Putting my elbow in someone’s colon
Well by the look on her face
She thought I was some kind of moron

I realised she’d gone when
I heard the door close with a thud
I was only trying to tell her
That I’d simply been stirring the mud!

The Magnificent 7

I’ve been on a training course
It’s called Transforming Touch
A new approach to massage
I like it, I like it very much.

The couch was dressed differently
Pillows piled up nice and plump
We got our clients in place
And simply started to slump.

Hooks, Rolling Pins, Mangles & Scoops,
A Shoulder Press and even a Saw,
In all my years of massage
I’ve never used such things before.

Gerry talked of heavy artillery,
The Steam Roller and the Plane.
If you learn to be a good client,
There is just so much to gain.

We played some very loud music,
And learned a whole new stance,
The Soft Shoe Shuffle and Glute Rock
Made us all want to dance.

The Hub and the breathing,
It was plain for all to see,
The seven postural secrets
Really do hold the key.

Bless My Sole!

Stuffed into my shoes,
Like pieces of meat.
All day they carry me,
My poor little feet.

I’ve come a long way
On my journey so far
To reach my destination
A place called the “Ulna Bar”

I order an Ulna Roll
It’s the House Special.
Comes with a choice of
Squash – leg, foot or ankle.

I really like it here
The treatment is great
I’ve travelled too far
Just to be an inveterate.

Now my “sole mate”
Uses all their skill
To connect my mind
To my body at will.

To save their knees
A stool is “neat & nifty”
That’s especially handy
When approaching fifty!!

It's Elemental, my dear Gerry!

Our tissues have been invited to dance
in the earthy depths of the cave.
Shaking to some rock n roll would be nice,
“Oh No”, let's hope it’s not a rave!

As we dip our toes in the ocean,
and let ourselves go with the flow,
waves of Shi Zen wash over us,
where we’ll end up we just don’t know.

There’s a lovely warmth from the fire,
that’s crackling like TNT out here.
We can also hear the dragon’s breath,
he always prefers Schnapps, not beer!

As we let ourselves go higher and higher,
past the eagle soaring up in the sky,
above the mountains in the swirling clouds,
there is no gravity, we can just fly....

3 Chairs 4 Massage!

We’ve had fun working
In the cold and the dark.
It was Geraldine who saved us
She’s a really bright spark

The tissues are dancing
With new friends today
They’re called Romster
And Squasher. Ole!

The Katerpillars are gone
Where are they at?
Whoops – looks like they’ve
Been eaten by the Kat!

Our orang-utan arms
Are scraping the floor
We’ve opened our minds
To learn even more.

There are no boundaries
We’re all free to go
Everything is open now
We’ve worked with flow.

So it’s “Anchors Away”
As we all set sail
On a sea of muscles
As we ride that whale.